Self-Improvement Burn-Out & Real Healing FactorsApr 27, 2022
As someone who's been on their own personal healing journey approaching a decade or two (but who’s counting), it can sometimes feel like Groundhog Day. "I thought I already dealt with this, why is it coming up again, have I made any progress?! What's the point!" Sound familiar? You're not alone.
And the wellness world doesn't help with all it's marketing, promises, and targeting of pain points. The coaching/wellness world is full of people that have overcome a problem and (with mostly good intentions) want to show others how to overcome said problem just the way they did. Not only that, but with the belief that all you need is the right strategy and mindset. It seems like almost any problem can be solved through a mastermind or a 6-week online course.
I know - I was one of those coaches offering a huge transformation in 8 short weeks.
It wasn't long before seeing the "proven" strategy didn't work for everyone. I assumed it was because there was something wrong with me, or I was just a bad coach. I also noticed some clients internalizing their lack of progress and thinking something was wrong with them.
This process unintentionally created a lot of shame and did some real harm.
Nothing Is Wrong With You
If you feel like you’ve been “healing” forever and things aren’t changing, I want you to know a couple of things. Nothing is wrong with you. You aren’t broken. You don’t need to fix anything. It’s ok to take a break from constantly trying to be “your better version”.
Nothing is wrong with you just because someone else's methodology didn't get you the results it got them within their timeline and agenda.
Real Healing Factors
So often we’ve been told to “change our mindsets” and when we try, really try, but we keep falling back on old patterns, it can bring up a lot of shame.
There’s a lot that goes into transforming and healing. A lot. Some of it is what we’re born into. Some of it is what we experienced as young kids, young adults. A lot of it is out of our control and we’re left picking up the pieces and maybe comparing ourselves to others.
As you’re considering what progress and success means to you, remember these factors:
- Generational and Ancestral traumas; your DNA
- Past lives + your soul mission for this lifetime
- Physical ailments and restrictions, muscular adaptations
- Unearned privileges you were born into / not born into / whether therapy and healing modalities are even available to you
- Sometimes nutrition plays a role as medicine; sometimes not
- Limiting beliefs (subconscious and conscious)
- Neurodivergence, how your beautiful and unique brain works
- Childhood trauma, big and little 'T' trauma, PTSD, cPTSD
- Your Nervous System and your fight / flight / freeze / fawn responses
These factors will inform your healing journey and what kind of support you may need. Some things are out of your control and some you just can't change. Others are in your control to change or influence and it helps to know the difference.
Focus & Intention
This is your journey. What are your goals? Are you focused on just one result; a result that may be layered? Are you focused on changing a coping mechanism that’s been protecting you for a decade or more? What are your realistic expectations given your unique circumstances?
When we put all our focus onto one result making or breaking our success, when we give our power away to the coach or program, so much is lost.
This is your journey. You decide what progress and success means to you.
As a coach and healer, and a person who’s healing, learning, unlearning, I've learned there’s no blueprint and we likely can’t think our way out with logic. This can feel scary and disempowering to realize how little control we have.
However, it can also be incredibly empowering to realize we are supported by the hierarchy of our body’s knowledge and innate wisdom. Our body knows what’s safe to heal next, what’s ready to go, what it's ready to acknowledge and accept. Our body has the amazing capacity to heal itself and we don’t need to interfere, but we do need to show up; whatever showing up means to each of us individually.
It’s a delicate balance between action, passivity and surrender and you're the only one who can make those calls. We don’t do nothing, but we also don’t need to force or try so hard.
- We can learn to surrender to what’s available in this season of life.
- We can get curious versus judgmental.
- We can learn to value the experience, connection, and growth versus seeking just one, specific result.
- We can learn to give ourselves the space and guidance to allow our body to feel supported and safe to let go / acknowledge / accept.
- We can learn to deepen our connection with ourself and compare less to others.
This is what I call surrendering to the journey and making space for the Universe to shoo in the right people, in the right time, and in the aligned way.
Have You Tried RHE?
I've grown a lot as a coach since my first transformational offering and taken all my healing and learnings to create RHE. RHE sessions blend Reiki, Hypnotherapy and Embodiment with tools like inner child reparenting, parts work, and shadow work. Sometimes the hypnotherapy leads us to generational stories, past lives, or childhood experiences. I don't have an agenda or a script because my mind doesn't have your answers. It's my job to open up a safe, sacred place and give you the runway to reprogram and make new decisions. It's not about control, it's about guided surrender.
With awareness comes choice and with choice comes change.
Listen to the Podcast
Making Space with Jen Pillipow
Themes: authenticity, goals, entrepreneurship, spirituality, self-awareness, empowerment, personal development and growth.
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